A minute's silence

A minute's silence I ask of thee, for my grieve is total.
I mourn the death of my beloved Mercutio and Prospero, my last two fishies.
They fought valiantly against my bad care of them, continuing to live even though oxygen levels and/or food were low.

I won't get any new fish. I have just waited for over a month for them to die, for I knew they would not last. They lived longer than what I had expected, but it wasn't enough. So I won't get any new fish, because I now have the confirmation I needed. I now know that I am unable of taking care of living creatures, neither animal nor plant. My cactuses will probably start to die soon too, I've already lost one.

Heck, I can barely take care of myself. So I will never again try to take care of an animal.

A minute's silence is all I ask.

Ewwww, cigarettes...

'Tis been nearly a week now since my last update. I haven't been very much hooked up to the net during the week. I have mostly slept, even though my bro is a little mad that I'm sleeping during the day, instead of hanging out with them. But hey! I'm on my vacation now! The only time I get to sleep for as long as I want more than two days in a row...

My right index finger is smelling like cigarettes, because we were just out for a late walk in the moonlight, and as I plunge my hands in the pockets of my ma's jacket (she washed mine today) there is a freshly put out cigarette. Yuck. I'm gonna go wash my hands right after this.

My two favourite Christmas presents must've been the speakers and bassbox for the computer, and the converse shoes (original). I'll maybe list some other presents later. Just wanted to complain about my horribly smelling finger..

Best. Game. Ever.

What is God's gift to man? (except aioli)

Six words.

The Legend of Zelda - Twilight Princess

Period.

Merry Christmas!

It's finally Christmas eve!

I had the best Christmas morning ever! My brother had brought his Wii with him, and he showed me some sports yesterday evening. This morning however, I got to play The Legend of Zelda - Twilight Princess.
OMGBBQFFS!
Drool^23!
Lovely, as simple as that.

Now I'm off to eat dinner, and then Santa Claus (sorry, Sandy Claws ^^) will be arriving. Yay!
Ciao!

Gingerbreads galore

I promised to post my creations in the gingerbread-decorating-contest we held at school this week. Well, here are 3 of my contributions, as well as Xhakhal's at the bottom. There were 39 others as well, many of them really good.




"Dead man's beach"
Heavily inspired by Pirates of the Caribbean 2 - Dead man's chest. Complete with a homemade Kraken. Shared the prize "Overkill", along with one other which Anna made.




"Broken"
A broken heart, as simple as that. Winner in the categorie "Best". Now hanging in my Christmas tree.




"Min sämre hälft"
"My worse half" in English. The darker side of the heart. My favourite gingerbread.




"Kingdom Hearts (something)"
Xhakhal's three-in-one piece of art. I can't remember the end of the name, but it's the beginning that matters, ey? The outer ones are now hanging in my Christmas tree ^^

Ansem and Sephiroth

I think Ansem is the Disney-version of Sephiroth. (highly likely, since Kingdom Hearts is made by Square and Disney) I have found strong resemblances between the two of them. I don't feel like posting all of them here so I'll do it the other way around.

This is the difference:
Sephiroth is your worst nightmare.
Ansem is your kid's worst nightmare.

And of course, Jenova is everyone's Über-worst nightmare...

Tomorrow...

Yay! Nearly Christmas now! Tomorrow we're gonna decorate the tree and I will finally wrap in all my christmas presents. Sure, they all suck since I haven't been completely to my senses the last month and a half, but what can you do?

I was also thinking about going over to Harads tomorrow evening, my parents are going to the "concert" in the church anyway, because I want to put a candle on Camilla's grave. It feels important to me somehow. I just don't know if I have the energy to sit and listen to the choir sing in the church, so I'm not quite sure. I'll probably get a chance to do that on Saturday as well, and that sounds way much better to me.

Apropos the church, I haven't been there since....hmm, when was the last time? I can't seem to recall. I was actually highly religious in the eight and ninth grade, then something happened, so I lost my faith. Well, I still believe in a sort of god or higher power, but I don't believe in Jesus Christ. I've lost much of my respect for Christianity.

To me, there is only one God, and her son is the only Messiah. They are the ones who will open the door! They will lead us all into everlasting Darkness!!
Jenova and Sephiroth!!!
Ahem...Aaaanyway......

Tomorrow I will also start reading all the Shakespeare I've borrowed from the library over Christmas. I think I'll start with Othello, then I'll take the other six after that.
Maybe I'll also post some images on my creations from the gingerbread-decorationg-contest we held at school tuesday and wednesday. I won in two categories, Best and Overkill, the latter being shared with Anna.
Gyar-har-har-har... Avast ye bilgeswabbers!

Home at last! Ye be warned!

So, I'm finally home in Åminne. Christmas vacation has arrived and I can sleep for as loooong as I want to in the mornings.

Only four days left until Christmas now. Four days! Count 'em; 4!

Unfortunately, the wireless router I acquisitioned today is not working here. Bloody hell. I can't use it until I hook it up to the broadband in my apartment. Sucks to my ass-marr.

And now, on to http://www.worldofmi.com
The sanctuary for any Monkey Island-fanboy. (Like me e.g.)

"A pirate I was meant to be, trim the sails and roam the sea!" Hehe...*drool*

Feuer frei?

So here I am in my apartment, preparing my stuff for the journey home to Åminne tomorrow (albeit a little late in the evening, but then again I am nocturnal) and finally taking out the trash. (I don't want it to smell funny when I get back after tha vacation, though the kitchen does already smell a little sweet, but nothing to worry about.)

When I walk outside there's this humming noise, like some kind of machine, and I'm wondering what the heck it is. As I make the corner and head towards the small recycling house, I see it.
Two fire engines, an ambulance and a police car. Just across the street. 00.20. I guess there was a fire earlier, because the situation seems calm. A moment later I discover the source of the humming noise, which has now grown to an annoying noise, a little bit like a vacuum cleaner. All the outer doors to the apartment buildings are wide open, along with some windows in the stairwells, and I can see to an open basement door, which is where it all comes from. There must be an airconditioner for venting out all the smoke in there. Most people are standing around the corner of the building, so my guess is that there was a fire in the basement, closest to the backside.
Man, that's gotta be one cold stairwell, was my first thought. I was then thinking of asking someone what had happened, but I eventually have up on that. It was cold outside and many were about to leave anyway. I can hear about it tomorrow.

Hmmm, it's been half an hour now, I wonder if they're still venting the basement? Hehe, sucks to be trying to sleep there then tonight...

G'night!

So angry! So hungry....

Mini pizza again. Maybe I should have a real dinner soon? Aeh, I can wait until Wednesday when I get home to my parents for Christmas. I haven't had a decent dinner since, Friday I think, and I'm starting to feel the effects... I barely even ate anything this weekend. Well, on the plus side, I don't have so much energy to use for anger, so I'm more docile now.

I still hurt myself today though. Another finger I rubbed a pen against until I chafed the skin away. It feels very, f*cking, soooore!

Only two more mornings I have to get up early on. After that, I can sleep for two weeks. Mmmm... Sleeeeep..... *zzzzz*

Monday...

I hate monday mornings.

No, wait. I hate early mornings.

It goes against my nocturnal nature to sleep during the night and get up early.

Grumble grumble...

Patience...

Ride it out. That's all I can do.
I'm gonna talk to the school curator, finally.
I spoke with my sis on the phone for about 40 minutes just now. A slow call. In the end she said she will fix me a time with a therapist in Björknäs healthcare center, probably early next year.

So it has come to this. "Professional help", so to speak. Hope they'll be able to help me, or they'll probably try to make me take anti-depressive pills or something. Which I'll never do! The day I take such medication, that day am I a vegetable, on my honor.

*Sigh* I just want it to end!

Another thing, today it is exactly three years since Camilla Mattsson, who went in my class, died in a car accident. I was thinking of calling my ex-girlfriend, Camilla's cousin and best friend, today. They were inseparable, and that's why I met Camilla so often. But I didn't call her, not even an sms did I send, I couldn't find the strength. Last year, and the year before, I didn't remember it was the seventeenth until a day or so after, so I have felt a little guilty. Now, on the other hand, I have thought about her the whole day and I think that will honor her memory.

Isn't it great to think about a dead classmate when you're feeling gravely depressed?

I wish it would end...

So what?

I'm feeling cold, like I always do. So what?
I might catch a cold from it. So what?
I might get pneuomonia and die. So what?

Frankly I don't care.
I just need to....*sigh* I don't even know what I need, but then again, have I ever known that?

I wish... I wish I was different. It doesn't matter that my best friends are telling me not to change. I have to, because my personality is driving me to the brink of insanity. I hate myself. However I'm not desperate enough to start thinking about suicide, so no need to worry.

To quote Nine Inch Nail's song Hurt:
"If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way"

Up yours, Maxtor!

Shit!
My external 300 Gb HDD seems to be malfunctioning. First of all, the comp can't access it, although it has found it. And when I succed to make it appear on the comp, it says it's empty! And I am then asked if I want to format it!
I'm gonna call my bro and ask him what to do, he might know. Otherwise, I'll ask the guys over at Emilson. If it can't be fixed, about 200 Gb of games and movies are gone, and that sucks. Lucky I didn't have anything I can't replace there. Grumble grumble....

Dishing=Hell?

I am now doing the over-a-week-old dishes. I had to when I ran out of plates, forks, knives, spoons...everything. The thing is, the media player just switched from "Help Me I Am In Hell" to "Happiness In Slavery".
At least I found this amusing....

I got 28 out of 30 points on my English Interactive Oral today!!!

28!

I'm so happy.... *stares blankly ahead of myself with a big smiling (and cheese-smelling) mouth*

Back-scratchers!

I was wondering today, why am I writing this blog? Maybe you, my esteemed reader(s?) wonder that as well.
Mostly, it's because I love to write. (Especially about myself.) Once I get something in my head, I write it down, and suddenly it's ten pages of balony. But fortunately it's most often fun-to-read-balony :D
Then I started wondering....I have had this for like three days now, who the f*ck reads it? Well, I know at least one who does :) Tnx Xhakhal for giving me the satisfaction of knowing that at least someone is going through my incomprehensible chattering! I read yours anyway so... :) We scratch each other's backs, through the internet! Hilarious.

Blasphemy and other acts of hedonism

Shit. As if life didn't suck enough already, today has absolutely not been my day. (As always, sadly enough)

1. The most horrible Lucia ever in school. A coughing Lucia? Blasphemy! I really like this occasion, it holds a special place in my heart. And the music students at school totally desecrate it, those heathens! I'm also very conservative with the songs, so I loathed those small alterations in the texts. It hurt my ears to hear it. Det var bättre förr...

2. After I've posted my music videos on YouTube, I see ten other videos with Chop Suey! and NGE. Fuck! And three others with FF7:AC and No Bravery. I didn't find them when searching this summer... Bastards, now everyone there will think I'm just another copycat. Even though I thought of them all by myself! Grumble grumble...

3. I have never played bowling as bad as today, I came last of all. Not that I care very much, I've kinda stopped doing that now, but it's the fact that I'm worser than ever that annoys me.

4. Instead of doing homework, I played AoE II with the boys. Augh! But that's what I do every day. SKipping homework that is, not playing AoE II. (I lost, hard)

I'm as depressed as usual, but the Christmas vacation is not very far away now. Just one more week to hold on.... Eeeeek!!!! English Interactive Oral Presentation tomorrow! I need to finish preparations today, or I'm most likely boned. This I can do, for now it's my diploma that's on the line. "The LIne Begins to Blur"... Sorry, NIN song.... Argh! Work, man! Work!

Symmetry!

This day is very symmetrical.

Take away the zeroes from the year, multiply the remaining numbers by each other, duplicate the number and you have today's date. Add the numbers together to get the day everyone's waiting for. Duplicate that number, divide the new one in two, and put both together, and you have the date everyone's waiting for. Erase one of them, and keep the other. Divide it by the square root of two times the third of the number, (d'ya follow?) break out a third of the quote, put that in the beginning, the quote in the end, and put the exponents of both when the answer is zero in the middle, and you have the year! Simple, huh?

I like symmetry... and maybe math as well. But not in school! *shakes hands and arms vigorously*

MeTube

Yay! Now my videos are finished processing on www.youtube.com
They are as follows:

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children - James Blunt - No Bravery
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_r7hr5oetdw

Stealth - System of a Down - Jet Pilot
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZw7o0iTs1A

Neon Genesis Evangelion - System of a Down - Chop Suey!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HHSvQzdDbQ

Hellsing - Rob Zombie - Superbeast
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0BVBVNk6uc

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children - Nine Inch Nails - Somewhat Damaged
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a035Zbqab_c

Now go and watch them!
Unfortunately, the video and audio seems to have desynchronized slightly on some, but let's live with that.
/Studio Wiklund

Processing progressing

I am for the moment uploading my homemade music videos to YouTube, huzzah!
I will post the names and links to them as soon as all five are finished processing (it's taking some time)

Over and out,
Studio Wiklund

Let's try having this blogspot for a while. Finally a good place to write my dark and pessimistic poems. Yay! And maybe som really sad song lyrics, maybe analyze one or two.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not really that dark and pessimistic, I'm just in long-term depression, that's all. And when I'm happy again, I'll star writing happy poems again! About love, and friendship, and happiness, and bravery, and all other fine qualities with life. Huzzah! Oh, who am I joking...

Now listening to At the Heart of it All, by Nine Inch Nails. A seven-minute-long instrumental (their specialty). It's got a very mechanic sound to it, and only varies slightly in its sound during these seven minutes. Still I love it. I have a somewhat weird taste in music I guess...

After all, I am Somewhat Damaged! (hahaha....(bad NIN-joke))